Sisters

I have always thought that a girl needs a sister more than a boy needs a brother. Therefore, I always planned on having a boy (first) and two girls. Growing up, I always wished I had had an older brother, and my sister is my best friend, so it all made sense.

Now I have 2 boys and no idea what will happen!

My husband is reluctant to have a third (who thinks of having another so soon after having a baby? ME!) but is willing to discuss it. I have always wanted three children, so my mind is set. I would, however, like them to be not as close together as Jack and Charlie.

I am so in love with Charlie. Things are really evening out with him, and he is such a good baby. Just so sweet and a little quiet, I think. Rarely cries. Just a little love and I wouldn't trade him in for the most wonderful girl in the world. But there is a part of me that mourns my perfect family. I may never have a daughter. Even if I do, she will very, very, very likely never have a sister. I might never have the sort of relationship with my daughter that I have with my mother. Then again, I wouldn't have to live the hormone hell that is teenage years with a girl!

I just fear that these boys I have will up and marry and leave me high and dry. My husband is very close to his family, but closest to his dad. His mom calls, and he makes faces and can barely stand to talk to her (well, that might be a tad exaggerated, but he can't stand the smalltalk with her). He isn't very close to his brother, but not distant, either. We just don't do much with them (they live about 15 minutes away) even though their kids are young, too. He and his brother are 4 years apart, and I think part of it is that, and they are just so different. Since there are no boys in my family (except for Dad, of course), I see his family as how ours will turn out. The boys being really close to Chad, but annoyed by me. Spending more time with the in-laws than us (part of the reason for that is because I am home all day, and my parents are retired, so the boys and I see them a lot. Chad's parents both work, and frankly, I don't speak to them 7 times a day!). Spending time with us out of familial obligation, not desire. Ok, this isn't entirely true. My in-laws are great people. I especially love my father-in-law. They are all very nice. My mother-in-law just tends to use guilt sometimes to get us to do things, and that rubs me the wrong way. And, like I said, she kind of annoys my husband.

I guess I just want the relationship with my offspring like I have with my family. I talk to my Mom and sister basically everyday, sometimes more (have already talked to Mom three times and sis two, and will be seeing sis later this evening). I want to be a part of their lives. I don't want to force myself into their lives. I want them to enjoy spending time with us. I want to be really close to my grandkids (to be fair, my in-laws are very close to the boys, too. My father-in-law works from home, so he often comes in the afternoon, picks up Jack and brings him to their house).

There is also a small part of me looking forward to three boys. I have already picked out a name (Chad won't discuss names with me in my 2nd trimester, so I haven't brought them up to him yet) Nicholas James, (Nick) or maybe James Patrick (Jamie). I love both. I see the three of them, growing up together, being sweet boys to their mom. Treating me so sweet, and Chad and the boys doing things together. I imagine them just towering over me, and protective. And then I would hope for granddaughters!

I know I can't control how any of this turns out. I sometimes think I am better suited to boys than girls, anyway. But like I said, there is a little part of me that mourns the family I always dreamt of having. I just must have too much time on my hands to obsess about this.