My Big O

I tend to get obsessed pretty easily, as my husband would readily tell you. I was obsessed to get engaged, to move abroad, to move back again, to have a baby, to buy a house...obsessed. Or focused, as I like to think of it.

I am very, very, very focused on the new house at the moment. I am not sure if it is because there is such a delayed gratification with it, or that there is so much to plan for, or what, but I can't stop thinking of it. Going through the options over and over and making sure that every possible need I could have in the next 30 years will be met (sha, riiiiiiight). I have been dreaming about it even! UGH!

I guess it is just the planner in me. I love to plan things out and I hate it when there is nothing to plan! So, while much of me wants to plan the hell out of this house, there is a piece of me holding back a bit, so that I am not bored come next Christmas. I am pretty much focusing on the main level, and leaving the bedrooms and office for later. The landscaping is gonna be a several year process, so that is good, too. I guess even obsession needs to be in moderation.

Guilt

This blogging thing is tough! Everytime I think of something that I want to write about, my first thought is "did I mention that already?". Ugh. I don't have a great memory on a good day (I blame residual pregnancy-brain) and I am too lazy to go back and read through every post. So, please just skim this if it all sounds familiar.

I have started to wean Charlie. I love it and I hate it. I remember this when I was weaning Jack, only the circumstances were different. He was 4 months old, and it was hard to nurse him. I am still not sure what reason, or combinations of reasons, made it hard (I frequently use he wasn't interested, low milk supply, tongue-tied, new mom-it is, and some other that I, surprise!, can't recall right now) but it was a tough decision for me. I remember things were getting bad the starting of May, 2003, and I would go back and forth on if I should wean him or not. There were days where I was crying, it was so hard, and I just said enough. And my husband would say sensitive things like "Are you sure it is ok for him to have formula?". Or he would discuss the problem with his brother, and brother would say "Wow, [his wife] breastfed [their son] for 9 months and never had a problem". And Chad would tell me what he said. So, in light of all of this support, I would re-think my decision and continue on. Or we would have a good nursing day, and I would think "I can do this". At the end of May, we went in for Jack's 4 month well baby visit, and I spoke to the doctor (now, anyone who knows me in real life would know that things had to be bad for me to actually speak to a professional about a problem). The doctor, who is pretty old school, and I still am not sure if I like that about him, said "Go ahead and stop. It isn't as important as it was the first couple of months, and he will thrive just as easily on formula". It was so good to hear, and I never nursed Jack again. (We had pretty much been weaning the whole month; I think he was only nursing at night by that point). I never looked back, and it was a great decision. But expensive!

So, this time around, I was determined to nurse longer. Mostly for the financial reasons. With Jack, it never felt like it was easier to just nurse him than make him a bottle and hold him while he ate it, etc. With Charlie, it did. I got comfortable with nursing. I didn't feel as tied down with Charlie as I did with Jack. Hell, I already had one kid to tote around, what was another? I read up on breastfeeding a lot before I had Charlie and I think that helped. And Charlie is just a different kid. He wouldn't sleep in his crib for ages. Always wanted to be held. Slept in our room until he was 5 months old! He is cuddly and sensitive and sweet, and almost polar opposite from outgoing, lively and independent Jack.

But he is getting hard to nurse. He is so easily distracted, as most babies are this age, but how do other people chugging along? And now with me working 3 nights a week, he gets a bottle those nights and has been sleeping GREAT. So, we decided to give him a bottle every night and it has been fabulous. He pretty much sleeps 12 hours (sometimes wakes once soon after he goes down, and sometimes once in the middle of the night). I wanted to just do this one supplement for a few weeks, and then add another. But it is hard to get him to nurse in the afternoons! And, now that he sleeps through, we kind of miss an early morning feed, so somedays I only nurse him once! That isn't good for my milk supply. And yet, if he gets totally weaned, I can get some time back! My mom has already expressed a desire to have him overnight, and it would be so wonderful to do that! To stop watching the clock and wondering when I should nurse him again so that I will be able to nurse AGAIN before I go to work! UGH, it is just driving me mad. And yet, I know that formula is an expense I would really like to keep down right now. We have so much money flying out the window at the moment, that I like to try and control that as much as possible.

Anyway, if you are still with me, I guess I just need to get things out. I am going to keep trying to nurse a few times a day (if for the weight loss benefit only!!!) and see how things go. Not stress about it. And if it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out. In 20 years, will I even remember this?

EEEEEEEEEEEKKKKK

Charlie has learned how to scream, and isn't afraid to use it. For everything. And, let me tell you, it is getting old. It is like the newborn cry; I don't know why he is screaming. Is he tired? Is he bored? Is he teething? Oh, wait...he is hungry! I suppose if I were better at keeping a schedule for the boys (more like watching theirs, they are schedule freaks!) it wouldn't be so puzzling. All the screaming almost makes me look forward to work. Almost, but not quite.

In other news, I have started weaning Charlie. More like he is weaning me. It is tough to nurse him in the afternoons, and near impossible at night, and now with me working, he takes a bottle 3 nights a week as it is. And sleeps pretty great those nights. So, we are supplementing that feeding. I am torn between wanting him to be all done so he can go to his grandparents' house for the night, and wanting to hold on and get some breastmilk in him and have to buy less formula for the next 2 months. So, not totally sure which was it will go. I suspect, like most things, I will just look to Charlie. See what he wants. And go from there.

End of the Road

Took my mom out to see "the house" today. Ok, the model, but pretty dang close to what our house will be like.

She loved it, as I was pretty sure she would. But now there is a problem; everyone has seen the house. Chad's parents, his brother (heck, they saw so much they are building their own!), my sister and my mom. Ok, my dad has yet to see it, but I am not sure if he cares. Maybe he does, and that would be nice.

Now that (almost) everyone has seen it, what reason do I have to go out there once a week???

They haven't started digging the hole, which means there really isn't anything to see of our own, except our little piece of land. Heck, we don't even have to have our options picked out until the end of April! Ugh!!! I know, I have lots to do in our current house, and I am better served staying around here and packing or cleaning or, preferably, both.

BUT I LOVE BEING IN THE HOUSE. I love love love love love it. I still can't believe we are building one, and being in the model makes me feel like it is all real. Do you think they would notice if I brought a suitcase over and started living there?

Oh, and let me say, it is so very wonderful to have my parents home.

We Are Family

I am not sure if I have mentioned this before, but Chad's brother kind of bugs me. It has gotten a lot better, but is still there. Some tidbits from our past:

• He really didn't like me when he first met me. Something about me taking his place in his own family. Yeah right, like that could happen.
• On the day of Chad's graduation from college, after the ceremony, we went out for dessert (my hubs loves dessert). We had just officially set our date for our wedding, and Ryan was recently married to his lady. Theirs was weird, though, because she is Mexican, so they had a sort of quickie-ish wedding, to get her into the country, and then were planning a big ceremony here when she got here. Anyway, he turned to me (at the dessert place, when all of his family was away from the table, so there were no witnesses) and said "You do know that [the date of our wedding] is the day Maya and I were planning to have our wedding." Yeah, we totally knew, that is why we picked our date. Not because the church was booked every other weekend until November. Nope. And we are SO MEAN like that. JEESH.

That is all that I can think of right now. Poor Ryan has a bit of foot-in-mouth disease, I find it hard to believe he is malicious with this all. And he has some annoying habits (which, thankfully, annoy my husband, too, so we kind of chuckle together), like he is a close talker, and he always likes to give his advice, and he is competitive. Part of the problem with those habits (except the close talker-ness) is that I have those as well. I think it is a first born thing. But I think part of the disharmony with Ryan and me is that we are a lot alike. And I realize this, most times, as I am bitching about whatever is driving me nuts. But like I said, it is getting better.

Where am I going with all of this? It is looking pretty good like they are going to move into our new neighborhood. MY TURF. Woah, back up. Yes, I was actually thinking that this would be a cool thing a few days ago. I dig Maya (even though she has the audacity to share my birthday) and would like my kids to be close to their cousins. That was until I learned that they were looking at the only house available bigger than ours. UGH! And it just felt deliberate. Ryan called us on Saturday night (as we were leaving to go out; another one of his issues, he has bad timing) and was asking us some questions. Apparently they had been looking at the same builder, but in a different town, and was wondering about price differences, etc. Chad kind of talked to him more about our area/development, and then we offered to go through things with them, if they wanted. That was all we heard.

Then, last night, Chad gets an email from him (another thing, he never calls, always emails! ugh) saying that they are seriously looking at our area and has even been out there twice to talk to the builder. WTF?!? UGH. I go all freaky and call my sis. We discuss pros and cons (Chad brought up some good ones, like if we hang with the neighbors, do we have to always invite them? And when will their parents be moving to the neighborhood now?) and she settles me down. The size thing is bugging me, but I seriously love our house plan the most, so am ok with it.

Then I called Ryan. I just had to know more! We talked for a long time (which is weird!) and it was nice. He said that Maya was really pushing for our area, because in her culture, they are so close (proximity wise especially) with family, and she thinks it would be great to be closer to us (we are about 15 minutes away right now, but with moving, it would be about 30). He also discussed some options they were considering, and I learned that they are probably not going for this "bonus room"!!!! YEAH!! And folks, Denise now takes the lead! Ahhhhh, bliss. When he said that, all the stress flew off of my shoulders. I know, I know, it is sick. And, heck, maybe it wasn't about competition for them. But I know me (which means I kind of know Ryan) and I feel like it is, at least a little bit.

At any rate, they would be a street or three over, which is kind of closer than I would like, but also annoying walking distance (might have to get to know the neighbors so we can cut through). And hey, it might not happen.

****EDITED TO ADD: they are NOT 3 streets over; they are one. And their address is one digit off from ours (granted, on a different street). How many pieces of mail of theirs do you think we are gonna get each day?****

My Funny Little 8 Month Old

Charlie is 8 months old today, and it really has flown by. He is such a sweet little guy, despite his chronic sleep problem. He is so smiley and so happy, it is hard to stay mad at him. And he never holds a grudge! One minute his is so pissed that he has to stay in his crib and take a nap, and then I walk in there, and he is all smiles, kicking and flailing around. So sweet. Part of the problem with such a happy baby is, you don't know when he is sick. We had to take him to the ER last week, because his little cold was taking over. But all in the ER, when the doc is talking about true influenza and pneumonia and x-rays and with a 102.5 temperature, little Chuck is kicking away and smiling and looking so happy. Thankfully he didn't have any of those things, but it was headed that way. Some steroids and antibiotics have brought him almost back to health. Lucky little dude.

He isn't crawling yet, but it can't be far off. He can pull himself so high up, he just needs to get his butt up! He doesn't seem to understand that the butt and legs are crucial in crawling. He scoots himself around in a circle, and will roll around a bit, but he is getting frustrated about not crawling. He isn't a big babbler, and I wonder if there is just too much action around here, but what can you do. He loves being in the middle of it all and is really enthralled with his big brother. He loves to watch him and has been known to bust out laughing at something Jack does. It is really cute. Charlie's laugh is great; all throaty and guttural. You would think he was a smoker, if only he had such control over his fingers.

No teeth yet, either. My little late bloomer! Not sure when they will make their appearance, but for now he is so cute with his gummy smile!

I guess one word sums him up (still) -- SWEET. My sweet boy Charlie; happy 8 months, baby.

The New Gig

As per usual, I worked myself into a bit of a frenzy over starting my new job last night. Oh sure, I had already been there for training, so that wasn't new. I had already met some people, but I didn't know if they would be there when I was (the beauty of setting your own schedule). But I was obsessing about the JOB itself. The calling. Actually, more the rude people I could be calling.

It wasn't bad. I actually kind of liked it. I am not sure that I liked the calling, but I liked making money again. I liked doing something for my family. I liked doing something that would make our new, wonderful house a reality. It felt good. I never felt that before with regard to working.

I made about 100 calls (I was trying to keep track, but would often forget) and had 7 COMPLETED SURVEYS!!! 7!!! They said that it would take awhile for us newbies to get up to speed, but I never thought that 7 in 5 hours would be expected!!! So I told my supervisor (she is very nice) and she said that was GOOD! GOOD!! I am not totally sure if she meant that is good for my first night, or in general, but hey, I will take it.

Many of the numbers were disconnected. Got lots of answering machines. And some people who said it wasn't a good time. I had great success in Georgia (5 completes in 3 hours) and not as much in California (2 completes in an hour and a half). But like I said, it was good. They don't know who I am. It is ok and it is for a great reason!