Christmas Memories

Following are some things I would like to remember about Christmas this year.

• Christmas was preceded by the best week of my life....my parents took the kids from Mon - Saturday and it was so wonderful, I can't explain it properly. I did some shopping, Chad and I saw TWO movies, hung out with some friends....it was wonderful.
• Mom and Dad spent the weekend with us (Sat - Mon). It was fun, but loud and busy. Who knew? Poor Mom had mouth surgery a little over a week ago and isn't completely healed yet. But it was fun to have them and nice to be able to have the room to have them!
• Jack still isn't totally into the present thing yet. I think a huge part of the problem had been that he was at my parents' house all week, so was a little off already. Christmas Eve he was very resistant and Christmas Day he just wasn't interested. Part of me likes it, that he isn't consumed by the commercialism, but I know Mom and Lin were looking forward to his excitement, so I was sorry that they were disappointed. I think he made up for it by being very pleased with the gifts while playing with them.
• Big gifts this year were: Ride on train (they got two, one is motorized and runs on a track, and the other is a push/ride on toy; both are VERY popular), the limbo game (Jack likes it, Charlie doesn't seem to notice it), this Wiggles guitar thing, some dinosaurs with caveman, and one dinosaur roars really loudly (huge hit).
• I can't say how wonderful it was to celebrate our first Christmas in this house. To have the room to have 8 people sleeping here (Lin and Matt spent Christmas Eve night here), to have the room for all of those presents, people and still be able to move. To just feel like this is home and share that with our family was precious.
• And lastly, I need to remember how exhausted I am right now. The house is fairly clean, since my mom is wonderful and a neat freak, but there is still things that need to be put away. Plus, my sister helped me decided how I need to rearrange my kitchen, so that is calling to me. Nothing sounds as good as climbing back into bed, though. Plus, the week just continues in its business. Friday we are having Chad's family over to celebrate Don's birthday, Thursday night I have girl's night, Chad's cousin and his wife might come over tonight or tomorrow night, Wayne and Sarah want to come by and give the guys their presents, and I am having Lin and Matt and two of their friends over for New Year's!!!! Wow, no time for napping.

When it Pours

First, on a light note, Charlie is starting to speak sentences! Those toddler sentences, where it sounds like he is asking/saying something, but you can't make out any of the words. I clearly remember Jack doing it (can't remember when, mind you), and I remember how that merged into understanding a word or two, and then finally, all of it! So, very exciting. It seems like Charlie is doing everything faster than Jack did (it could be; they say that the 2nd kid when they are very close together tends to do things faster) but Charlie is almost as old and Jack was when Charlie was born! I can't believe it, he seems so much younger! Hence my need to record things HERE.

Anyway, onto the main reason I am making this entry. It seems Chad's inferior jeans are rearing their ugly head again. Jack has a hydrocele, which, I guess, is a hernia. Chad had one when he was 5, Jack is just a quicker learner or something. We had to go to urgent care last night, as Jack left testicle looked like the size of a walnut. Of course, Chad is in Canada, so his parents came over. Don watched a slumbering Charlie, and Connie came with me. The ped. took about 25 seconds of squeezing to diagnose it, and we have to see another ped. today, I guess to confirm? and to schedule surgery? Not sure. The ped. last night was less than friendly. Or talkative. So, my poor, little baby boy is gonna go under the knife. And I just hope his Daddy will be here for it!

More Words

I had been adding to the other post about Charlie's budding vocabulary, but we are getting into New Words category, so maybe this will be a weekly thing? Not sure....

Without further ado:

• WINDOW! Can you believe it? He walked right over to it and said "indow". Genius.
• Parker. I guess he does know that there are two of them!!
• Yeah
• and No. Wasn't sure of their existence before, but he clearly uses them correctly, especially in response to food and naps!

Memorable Moments

Jack was up really late last night. It started when I kept him up, wanting to bond with him while watching Rudolph on TV. He was kind of into it (he kept saying that the monster scared him, and would say "I scared". I was worried he would have nightmares, but I think he was fine) and always said "where Rudolph go" during commercials (he does the same thing with Ellen DeGeneress). Anyway, he went to bed at 8 (and it was a bit of a struggle, which is unusual).

Throughout the next hour, we kept hearing him. Chad went up one time, and Jack wanted his tape flipped over. I went up about 9, and he was laying there, looking at the ceiling, with one of his hands in the air. He was playing puppets (he loves to pretend his hands are puppets). So I sat on his bed and we played puppets for awhile. 20 or so minutes, at least. He was SO adorable, wanting my puppet to tickle his, his changing from Jack, to a polar bear, to a lion, to a monkey, to a gorilla, to an orangutan....and oddly enough, they all wanted to be tickled. It was fun. We hoped that him staying up so late would cause him to sleep in...nope.

It was still worth it.

Thankfullness

This year, I am thankful for:

1. Being in love with my husband. Because it makes arguing, and making up, so much easier. I know, it doesn't make much sense, but it does to me and this is MY list.
2. My beeyooootiful boys. They really are little joys and little terrors rolled into one.
3. The health of 1 and 2, and of everyone else in my life.
4. Our new house. I really love it and being in it.
5. My parents' generosity. Because we probably wouldn't be in #4 without it.
6. Still being home with my kids. For a million reasons, it really is the best for US.

For these reasons, and so many more, I am thankful for this life.

Cookie Cutters

Jack is getting to a GREAT age. No more teething, for awhile, anyway (molars are a bitch). He can communicate not just random words, but feelings and wants and desires. He sleeps through the night, virtually every night (I say virtually so as not to tempt fate. To be honest, I can't remember the last time he didn't). He can get into bed, get out of bed and needs no monitor on him. He wants to do things, like throw diapers in the diaper genie, zip his zipper, use the potty, and help me cook!! I can see why my friend, Jenny, is all about age 3-4. It rocks!

Anyway, I have wanted to make cookies with Mr. Jack for sometime now. First, I bought a few of those ready made cookie dough, and thought he would help me deposit the dough, cook 'em and eat 'em. Well, he was always napping when I remembered....so, he really didn't get to do ANY of that (they were all eaten by the time he woke up!). So one of my magazines has a recipe for sugar cookies, and I have been dying to use that with him and use the 100+ cookie cutters Chad got me for Christmas last year (I LOVE THEM). Jack is such an alphabet nut, that I thought he would really get a kick out of some letter cookies.

Well, the dough needs to chill for an hour (oops, really should have made it last night), so I got out the virgin cutters and thought Jack could peruse them, at least. Maybe take up 15 minutes or so. 40 minutes later, and STILL GOING. This year, I am thankful for cookie cutters. All 100+ of them.

Words

So, my amazing little boy, Chuckster, is talking like a maniac. And me, being the crap mother that I am, am finally needing to write it all down. To look back on one day. Because that is what mothers do!

• Blue (newest one...and he can point it out! granted, I haven't tested or tricked him with it yet)
• Door
• Da-da (dad)
• Ma-ma (means Mom and milk, tho milk is more "mamamamamamama")
• "dee-dee" for Sadie. He also calls Parker that, but we will let it slide for now.
• ladder. He only said it once, but I am still putting it on the list.
• ooooooh. Is that a word? I am counting it as one. lights and the christmas tree usually get some oooooohs out of him.
• hello
• hi (yes, there is a difference)
• ball
• Milk (kind of a different version of "mamama" but in a eating setting, or when he wants to take a nap)
• banana (na-na)
• night-night (can't believe I forgot that! It was his first word!)

Ok, there are more, but of course I can't remember them right now. Hence, the need for the list. I guess I will just have to add them as I remember!

Tis the Season

We are sick. Well, not all of us, but enough that makes it crappy. Plus, I am one of the main sickies, so that may be why it is so crappy. Chad started it, and then had the ill graces to sneak off to Wichita for the rest of the week today. Bastard. So I have a whiny, teething and sick Charlie, and a brattish almost 3 year old, who isn't sick....Yet.

Anyway, I also wanted to jot down some random things that are happening right now.

1) Jack is potty trained. My sister asked me if I would say that he was, and my first thought was to say "No". I mean, he still has accidents. Frequently. But they are usually every other day or more. Wherever we go, he goes without a diaper on. Without underwear, too, but that is his choice. And after the last time I tried to force it on him, and we went completely backwards for a week, I have decided to let him have it.

2) How is it that Jack inherited Chad's tendency to cross his toes while he watches TV? Seems a weird thing to inherit, and I doubt Jack has noticed that Chad does it and is copying him.

3) Charlie has 6 teeth, with about 7 to pop through any day. No wonder he is being voted out of the new house!

4) My ability to keep a house clean has nothing to do with the size. It is all me. But I think 6 months of having to live really cleanly has helped matters a lot. Now I wish it would encourage me to unpack the last few pesky boxes.

That seems to be all I can think of in my fuzzy brain right now. The couch calls.

Storytime

Well, today was my first foray into life in Shakopee. Yes, we have ordered pizza and visited a local restaurant, but this was the first DAYTIME thing with OTHER PARENTS. I am slowly working myself up to ECFE.

Anyway, we went to Storytime at the local library. We left ridiculously early (1.5 hrs) and learned that the library didn't even open for another 20 minutes. Whoops, drove around and found a community center, so it wasn't a total waste. Anyway, the boys investigated the books for a half an hour (was a bit dicey when other kids started coming in, but Jack got through it) and then went to Storytime. Since Halloween is coming up, it was all Halloween related, which Jack loved. They were generally good; Charlie was a bit squirrely and ready for food and or nap, and Jack was kind of scared of the other kids and needs to work on his storytime voice. But all in all, it was really good. I hope to make it a regular outing!!!

Playroups and Such

About once a month, I get together with some friends of mine from high school, who are all SAHMs and all have kids around the age of mine. It has really changed from the first visit, less of us talking, more of THEM talking (the them being our kids). But today was nice in that there was a little window of then. During lunch, we were actually able to chat a bit! It was amazing!!! It was fun!! I makes me think I am crazy for wanting another.

At any rate, they all go to ECFE with their kids. And I don't. And I really feel the "bad Mom" feelings about it. It is just so NOT ME. I hate meeting new people. I hate feeling like I am left out! Ugh. But we have to do something. Jack is ready for more to his week. He needs the interaction. And what with him starting preschool (hopefully, gotta find one first!!!) next year, we gots to get him into the groove.

This is just all so not what I was looking forward to as a parent.

We're Here!

Well, 11 days in the New House (as Jack still calls it) and it is going well. The main level is all painted. There are still 2 pieces of wallpaper to hang in the 1/2 bath, as well as chairl molding to go up and the pictures. Then that will be done (unless I decide to move around the towel rack, but I am not counting that). The living room is done, I just have to fill out the bookshelf, but since we don't have everything here from the other house OR Lin's, that will just happen when it happens. The dining room needs the light changed out and the 2 extra chairs put together, and then it will be done. Family room is good; it needs another picture maybe and Chad has to put together the surround sound stuff, but it is almost there. Kitchen needs the crown molding up, and then it might be done. Playroom needs the wallpaper hung and a light and some general organization. Master BR needs to be finished painted, a light, and just generally put together; same goes for its bathroom. Our closet is a disaster and needs to be put together. Jack needs the shade fixed in his room, a light and some general organization, as does Charlie (except his shades are fine). We also need the garage door opener in and the rest of my plants planted. Whew! Lots to do, but now that I have it all there, it seems manageable. Oh yeah, and getting the rest of our crap here and unloaded. Ugh, not so pleasant anymore.

Despite all of that, the new house is really good. We are really loving the space and life here in general. I just wish we didn't have the other house hanging over our heads. Not much to do about that.

Jack and Charlie are adjusting well, for the most part. Charlie is great, although he seems to take less steps here. We thought the carpet would encourage him, but it doesn't seem to. It will come, right? And Jack is having random sleeping issues. He was obsessed with the light switches (ok, still is, but we took the light out of his room for the time being) and would turn the light on and not go to sleep. He wouldn't cry, and didn't necessarily make any noise, but wouldn't sleep, either. He did it at mom's this week, too, so we aren't really sure what is up. So far they have been pretty random incidences, although getting him to nap (or do anything) is getting tough. He is starting to really want to control things, and I think being with grandparents and doting aunts lately has given him the impression that the world is his oyster. Maybe some stability around here will help with that. One can only hope.

Run-on sentences

Chad turned 30 yesterday. Only 16 more days until I pass through those days as well. God may not be getting my house sold at the moment, but he is damn sure making sure that I have more than I need on my plate so that I can (barely) obsess about that fact.

Chad is also, conveniently, out of town. Until late Thursday night. And we move on Monday. Lucky dude, hey? He has yet to pack a box. Is it only fair that I do all of that, since I don't work? Should I shut my inner voice off about how I get all the grunt work, and he all of the paid work? It was a lot easier to be indignant when I had a (meager) paycheck coming in, but that isn't the case anymore. Talking doesn't seem to help, either. Progress really is slow.

Due to all of these things, the boys are driving me batty. I am fairly certain that Charlie is getting molars, so he is just a barrel of laughs. I long for him to be able to tell me what is wrong (so I stop confusing teeth pain with needs a nap) but the talking stuff is over-rated. Jack is incessant with the talking. Actually, with the demands. Juice, milk, kisses, pretzels, cookies....AHHHHHH! 5:00 comes around and I am ready to stab hot pokers into my eyes. I am sure that one day I will look back and wish I had these days back. I wonder which part exactly I will want back!

Yuckies

Today is a BIG day in the Slipka household. Jack went poops on the potty for the FIRST TIME. I feel like potty training is 2/3rds over! YEAH! This really is not my forte.

After a week with Granny, he was peeing on the potty great (if he was naked from the waist down. Apparently the kid doesn't mind sitting in his own urine) but still no stools. I didn't know how we were ever going to get to that, since his new trick was to poop right when he woke up (the guy needs a little privacy, and frankly I don't blame him). Chad told me to relax, it will happen, so I did; kinda. This morning, wifely guilt took over and I got up to get Charlie a bottle for once, and on my way to the kitchen, I heard Jack singing in bed. So I went in there to see if he had pooped already; he hadn't, so I stripped him down. Little guy was NOT happy, but what can you do.

I wondered how long he would hold out - 2 1/2 hours is how long! I was on the computer, Charlie is napping, and Jack ran into the office yelling "Yuckies!!!". I knew what that meant! Went in, and sure enough, there was poop. Poop on the living room floor, in the doorway to his bedroom, his bedroom floor, and a little bit in the POTTY!!! I am guessing he started there and got scared or grossed out or something. Poor little guy. Anyway, 5 m&ms were his reward, and lots of cheering, and a call to Granny and to Daddy. Let's hope this continues!!!

Moments Later...

It got so bad, I had to bungee cord his door shut (otherwise he opens it). 2 or 3 more hours until Daddy comes home!!!

This is HELL

Nothing nice to report today. Many tantrums, playdate filled with orders and tantrums, no napping...you get the drift. TYG that my Mom is taking Jack for the week. Hallelujiah.

Two Days of Tidbits

Ok, so posting everyday is rough. Many days I want to nap. Or have to clean. Anyway, I am gonna post two days of tidbits here now.

Yesterday (or was it the day before? Oh my, how many days has it been now?) I put Jack down for his nap naked, in attempt to get him to poop in the potty (oh, um, yeah, we are starting potty training. Mom's idea). What is the worst that can happen? Ok, well, the very worst didn't happen, but he definitely missed the potty. Little lad managed to get a big, adult shapes poop nestled on the edge of his bench. And no, he didn't pick it up and move it. It was too soft. TMI yet? Amazingly, I handled it well and so did he. I think that was Thursday.

Yesterday...hmmm....Well, it was a stellar parenting day for us. We took the kids to TARGET for dinner. Swell, hey? Yeah, we needed to go to Target and they needed food. But we bought Jack some big boy underpants, and he was so excited. He asked me to open them and he carried one around the store. I think Chad was really embarrassed. And apparently, the need to stick them on their heads is ingrained on them from birth.

Today I took Mr. Jack to the park while Charlie slept and Daddy cleaned. He was hilarious; loved the see-saw, the swings and especially the slides. There was one really big one that he was very fascinated with, and when he went down it too fast he would explain "TOO BIG". Too cute, I say.

And Charlie, I swear that someday soon, your stories will be as prevalent as Jack's.

Just a Shell

I created this blog to record the little day-to-day happenings in the life of my kids. The things that I probably won't remember in a month, much less 10 years. But somehow, I got so sidetracked with this moving thing. I have been feeling like there is nothing for me to record. I don't talk to my friends often, because I feel like there is nothing to say. I feel like all that I have going on right now is trying to sell the current house and planning for the new house. And you know what? That simply isn't true.

Jack and Charlie don't know that we are moving. They aren't consumed with finding the perfect paint for the kitchen. They are still plugging along, growing and laughing, and I am missing it. I find that I am so impatient with them, so much in a rush to get them to go play by themselves, or take a nap, or eat their dinner, and I really am not enjoying them. Now, I will cut myself some slack by saying that this house selling business is very stressful, so obviously one would consume themselves with it. But I need to step back and enjoy life with my boys, too. So from here on out, I want to find something to record here everyday about the dudes. Can be good, bad, funny, sad, whatever. No one reads this blog; it is purely for me and my memories. So here goes.

Today we had a showing, so we had to be out of the house from 10:30 to 11:30. Now, Jack needs to be in bed by noon these days, or he ends up skipping his nap. As we were walking out the door, Jack tells me that he needs to be changed (and boy did he EVER). But I didn't want to stink up the house, or waste anymore time, so I decided we would do it at the restroom at Wal-Mart. Good plan, except the restroom was CLOSED. ugh. So, walked around with the stinky pants the entire time, but at least the kids were well-behaved.

As it wasn't even 11 yet, I decided lunch was in order, so we could stick to the timetable. We went to McDonalds across the street. Right away, we went into the bathroom to change Jack (and Charlie could use one, too). As I am changing Jack, Charlie is crawling all over the joint. It was a fairly clean bathroom, but still. The kicker was when he went to play in the toilet. Ewww, eww, eww. Got them both changed, all ok. Lunch went well, they ate great and it was fun, too. Charlie is so big, yet such a baby, and Jack is just too grown up. We had a good day.

Bits of Me

Ten years ago: I was 19. Had just finished up my sophomore year at UMD. I was dating the guy I dated before Chad, and it was going well. I working as a hostess at the LE Inn. Nothing interesting had really happened to me, yet!

Five years ago: Now, this was exciting! Chad and I were newlyweds. I was going to a musical festival with some friends, and on the ride up, Chad called me about this job oppurtunity in England! It was the last day to submit resumes, and luckily we both had one current, and he sent them off. I had NO idea how fantastic it really all would be.

One year ago: Charlie was only a couple of weeks old, and it was all settling in. He wasn't a great sleeper, always wanted to be held, and I just never felt like I had any time off. Luckily, Jack was great. I don't think I could have handled newborn Charlie and a naughty Jack. Also, my 10 year high school reunion was just about this time last year. It was a blast, probably not even half of the class, but loads of people I wanted to see.

Yesterday: Chad and I spent a chunk of the day taking apart the kids' kitchen that I bought from a thrift store. We painted the "appliances" stainless steel and black over some of the other items, like cabinets. Chad cleaned the inside, or tried to. It looks pretty spiffy, if I do say so myself! Then, Jack napped and Chad took Charlie with him to Home Depot. I had a bath and some alone time. Then I worked last night. We had a corny little competition, but it was a bit of fun and my team won!

Five snacks I enjoy: chocolate, popcorn, nachos, ice cream and chocolate.

Five songs I know all the words to: Hmmm, not sure if I know all of the words correctly. There are some C+C Music Factory from way back, some Gin Blossoms, some Wallflowers (first album), some Bryan Adams (early stuff), and Gavin DeGraw's new stuff.

Five things I would do with $100 million: Build my dream home, pay off houses for my sis, BIL, ILs and anything grandparents want, set ourselves up for life, TRAVEL and something charitable for others, like my sister thought of building these cabins somewhere, and granting artists 6 month stints to use them and any supplies they need. Not just painters and such, but writers or pottery or flair bartenders (cos that is an art, you know. I saw it on the Food Channel). I liked her idea.

Five places I would escape to: Italy. Greece. Dubrovnik (Croatia). Tahiti in a glass bottomed hut. New Zealand.

Five bad habits: Biting my fingernails when I am nervous/stressed. Being bitchy when nervous/stressed. Not wiping up the floor properly after the kids have eaten (I miss the dogs). Picking at my eyelashes. Snapping at the kids.

Five things I like doing: Reading, traveling, enjoying a moment with my kids, zoning out on the computer, daydreaming.

Five things I'd never wear: Belly shirts, Capri pants, most things Carrie wore on Sex and the City (mostly cos she is tiny and I am not), Shoes with ridiculous heels, bikini.

Five TV shows I like: Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, Gilmore Girls, McLeod's Daughters, Everwood.

Five biggest joys of the moment: Going to the farmer's market with my sister, planning out things for the new house, watching my boys enjoy each other, Jack volunarily kissing me and being able to spend alone time with Charlie (Jack and I get more alone time right now than Charlie and I do).

Five favorite toys: the computer, Ikea catalog, books, gardening aparati, credit card.

All Growed Up

My sweetest, Charlie, is one year old today. And I am in WA while he is in MN. He won't remember, but I always will. I got a little cuddle in at 5:30, and I am comforted by the fact that he is with people who love him and maybe doesn't even notice that I am gone.

This trip will be the longest I have ever been seperated from him. With Jack, we took off when he was 5 months old, but it was different. I felt so tied down, things were just so different going from no kids to 1. There were different challenges, I guess. With Charlie, I already was tied down, so I didn't feel that way. I nursed him longer, so it was a lot longer until he spent the night away from me. And he has always been more dependent on me. Jack was independent from the start, and I always loved that. I am not saying that I like either of these facets of my children better, they are just different.

I just wish I could be with Charlie today. I am sure if I was, it would be much like any other day. I am sure that would get easily frustrated, or lazy, or just want time to myself. And maybe there wouldn't be any "special" time for me and him, just those moments I want to cherish forever, moments that are hard to explain. I just feel like I should be with him on his day.

But I am not, and I am doing something that is important to all of us. Some alone time with his daddy, which we really have needed. We are both so stressed with the house, and just have been connecting because of it. But I am literally and figuratively so far away from that right now, and it feels great. I am liking my husband, and getting reacquainted with myself again. I think all people need this, but in different ways. I think my good friend, Jenny, gets it when she goes for a pedicure. I truly think that a couple of days away from her kids might make her more stressed at this point. Hey, it takes all kinds, right.

Anyway, I want to honor my Chucker right now. He is such a little gem, and he breaks my heart in so many ways. He really is such a sweet boy. He loves, loves, LOVES to give kisses. He even cuddles a bit (you try to get a 1 year old to sit still for a cuddle). He is so cute, with how he throws his arms up when he wants to be carried, to how he picks up a toy and gives it to me (over and over and over again), and how he has the cutest little grin that lights up and scrunches up his little face. Oh, I never knew that I could be this happy with two little boys. They give me so many rewards, and I really am so lucky. They are already each other best friends, well, maybe all three of us are our own little gang right now. They get along so well, I really can't imagine them fighting. I know they will, but I am glad it is a little way off from now.

Happy Birthday, Charlie baby. I love you and miss you in ways you will never know.

Checking Out

We are going on vacation in a few days and I really need it. We both really need it, in fact. We are so burnt out and fried at this point, it is scary.

House selling is not going so hot. We had an open house over the weekend, and 5 showed. That was ok. But then our agent went around to other open houses and asked around, and every agent seemed to say the same thing: Where are all of the buyers? That does NOT bode well for us. Our plan is to drastically drop the price and pray to the good lord that we can get enough out of it as we need, and still close right around the same time as the new house. HAH. Like that will happen. Not really sure what the plan is if it doesn't happen. Curl up in a hole and die, I suppose.

Charlie turns 1 tomorrow. And I am leaving him. I am feeling really horribly sad about that. And then I remember that I get to sleep in for 7 days, and I feel a bit better.

Stressball

I am feeling like a total stressball lately. It is over the house, of course. Something I can't control, and usually I do not condone stressing over situations such as these, but without any control, well, all there is to do is stress.

The (current) house has not sold yet. No one has come to see the house in over a week, and even that was only 1 appointment. It is deadsville around here, and frankly, difficult to keep in showroom quality when you never have anyone to show. Anyway, there is no Plan B if this house does not sell. I am not sure what happens. I assume we don't get the mortgage, cos God knows we cannot afford two houses. Chad and I need to talk through a Plan B.

Yesterday was our pre-sheetrock walk-through. It was really cool to see, but we also got The Date. The completion date. September 19th. A week earlier than we had expected. STRESS. And the field manager, Brandon, went into details about what happens next, and it was just too much. My stomach was rolling, and I don't think it has stopped since. It is even giving me insomnia.

Meanwhile, I cannot stop spending money on the new house. Granted, they have been sale items (really good sale priced items) but STILL. I feel like if I stop the spending, a buyer will appear out of nowhere. But then something else pops up, and I HAVE to have it. The price is SO GOOD, and it something we were planning to get before we move in, so why not??? Ugh. The worst yet was a duvet cover. I really over-spent on that one. It was probably not something we would get right away. Ooops. But it was pottery barn, it was clearanced, it was gorgeous, and it was going away. What could I do? And no, of course I didn't tell Chad. If you think I seem stressed, you should see him.

Ok, well, now I feel a little bit better. The King size duvet cover is GONE people! So, it really wasn't going to be there long. I would have been sad. Anyway, here it is:
http://ww2.potterybarn.com/cat/pip.cfm?src=shpcsalbdg%7Crshop%2Fshpcsalbdg%7Crshop%2Fshpcsalbdg%7Crshop%2Fshpcsal%7Crshop&pkey=csalbdg&gids=p5094

Hmm, that was my first attempt at a link. Wonder if it will work. (edited to add: YAH!! It worked!)

Anyway, if we don't get this house sold, I am starting to wonder what I will do with all of my new stuff. I could sell it on eBay (maybe not this duvet cover, tho......I am really feeling warm and fuzzy about it), or just re-use it in this house. Actually, if, for some reason, we lose the new house, I would think that we will leave this on the market and just wait a sale out. And then find a new house. Sound good?

Ok, I know this is jumbled, but that is just how I am right now. Anyway, my mother is not helping matters much right now. Sometimes, she can be a steamroller, and sometimes that is good. But right now, she is really driving the stress factor UP. I CANNOT MAKE SOMEONE BUY THIS HOUSE!!!!!!! She is really pushing things, and not hearing us. She just called, and talked to some realtor guy about this house, and was just about to tell me what HE thinks (some bloody stranger, who has never seen this house, may not know the area, and does not know that my mother often gets facts WRONG!!!) when, thankfully, her other line rang. I did hear enough to know that she TOTALLY got wrong how long this has been on the market. Even though I told her last night. Even though she tried to ARGUE WITH ME ABOUT IT. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. See, stressball.

If Today Were Your Last

I have been thinking for a week about this subject. I think about it often, in fact. I am totally going to paraphrase all of this part here, since I don't know how to link. But, on one of the blogs I read, this person linked to a recent graduation speech given by Apple's big dude, Steve Jobs. In it, he said something about living each day as if it could be your last. No wait. More like, at the end of the day, take stock. If it was to be your last day, would you be happy about it? Was it a good day? And he said that when he gets a few in a row where he says no to those questions, he makes a change. I found this profound.

Now, granted, he has bajillions of dollars, and can do things like that. Change on a whim, I mean. But I really like his premise. And far from needing/wanting to change my life, I am finding that I am appreciating it more and trying to enjoy moments more, instead of just working for the weekend. For me, it is fairly easy to start these kinds of things, but usually after a couple of days, it all fades away and I start to try to fast forward my life. But so far, this is really haunting me (in a good way).

Take today, for example. An absolutely nothing really special day, but a good one nonetheless. We are having some diaper rash problems as of late (the boys, of course, not me!) and so there is some harriness as a result. The boys spent half the day diaper and short-less, just to try and air them out. But it was really cute! I don't know, maybe it is a Mom thing, or maybe just a me thing, but I got a kick out of it.

It has also been one of the few days where we didn't run off somewhere. In typical Jack fashion, around 9 am he said "Store?". I told him no, that we were staying at home today. Poor little guy, I guess he just likes to get out and about.

Charlie didn't take an afternoon nap, what with the butt problem and an impending tooth, but he wasn't really fussy, he was quite adorable. I played a little game with him, where I would put a leggo on his head, and it would fall off and he laughed, rinse, lather, repeat. It was so cute, and if I wasn't fast enough, he would try to do it himself. I love those little moments with him.

And Jack took a bath with minimal screaming. M&Ms really are magical.

Chad is playing golf tonight, so I get a little time to myself. Probably will spend it watching HGTV, rather than anything productive, but hey, it is me time.

So, like I said, nothing spectacular, or even out of the ordinary. But I guess that is what makes it a good day.

What Was I Thinking?

When we put the house up for sale, we shipped our dogs off to my parents' house. We didn't want to have to maneuver 2 kids, 2 adults AND 2 dogs when/if there were showings. But, a few weeks into this, I am wondering if it wouldn't have been easier with the dogs.

You see, they are vacuum cleaners, or at least mine are. I think a dog is crucial, starting about when your first born can eat table food. Jack never caught on to sign language, but our dogs sure did. I would sign "Food" and they would go running over to his highchair. I guess you can teach old dogs new tricks.

Now that they are gone, I am really missing those times. Especially today. We had chicken rice for lunch (and other things; I do try to get a balanced meal in 'em!) and Charlie got it everywhere. I am not sure how, but he did. Jack's tray looked fairly clean, so I was very impressed at his abilities, but then I took it off, and noticed that a large portion was on his lap.

So, what to do? The dustbuster scares them (ok, we don't own one, but the vacuum does, so I imagine that would, too), the dogs are gone....so I just shake them off a bit. Let all of the food fall to the floor. Naptime is just around the corner, so I will vacuum then. And keep them out of the dining room so I don't have to vacuum the entire house!!!!!!

Ugh, I wish someone would just buy this house already.

Something to Remember

Today was one of those days that I dreamt about when I pictured my life as a stay-at-home Mom. It was only a couple of hours that were completely picturesque, I was still frustrated with the whining this morning, but the afternoon made up for that and more.

My sister and her friend stopped by during naptime. In total Charlie fashion, he awoke soon after they arrived, but he was in a good mood. Jack woke up just as they were leaving, about an hour sooner than he usually did. The weather was gorgeous, 80 degrees, sunny and a little bit muggy. Perfect sprinkler weather, I thought. So I got the kids into their swimsuits, lubed up with sunblock (those two alone were huge jobs!) and got everything set up outside. I even remembered the camera and video camera.

Anyway, the kids really liked the sprinkler. I got the first couple of minutes of Jack discovering it. He kept running near it (of course not IN IT) and yelling "it tickles!!!". It was so cute and so funny. He was running around like a madman. Charlie was off in his own world, so I brought him over and sat him nearby. Just like my little man, he crawled over the the sprinkler and stuck his hand in, unafraid. So different are my little dudes. Charlie was often sprayed by the sprinkler and didn't seem to mind, but did crawl away. Meanwhile, Jack kept getting the tiniest bit braver with each run through, and his hair was wet and he was laughing and so sweet. It was so wonderful.

My next bright idea was to get the kiddy pool. Ours is nice because it is smaller than most, so it is so easy to maneuver. I filled it with an inch or two of water, and Jack hopped right in. He kept calling it a tub, and would call it a pool once in awhile. Charlie didn't want to sit in it, it was too cold, but he was totally happy to sit and splash from the side. Jack was wearing his water shoes, so he had great traction, which he used to jump and splash all over. At one point, he kept sticking his face in and taking a drink. Everytime, it would take his breath away, but he never cried or got upset, no matter how much of his head he stuck in. He was so cute, they both were.

Other little fun things were: Charlie climbed the steps (ok, not fun, per se, since they are concrete, but that was his first stairclimbing activity EVER), we found a worm and watched it burrow back into some soil (Jack even left it alone!!!), they ate ice pops (whatever those tube things are with flavored water inside) and loved it. It was only 2 hours before we came back in, but it was lovely. I even got some sun and reading in for myself. Lovely day.

Overload

Wow, I hadn't realized that it had been so long since I last posted. I guess time just gets away from you when you are consumed with 1) house selling 2) house building and 3) kiddies.

Let me elaborate:
1) This house has been on the market for two weeks (today). We have had 9 or 10 showings, 7 or 8 of which was the first week. Yup, definite drop-off. So, we have been busy running around doing little things to see if it won't catch SOMEONE's eye. (and to think I was nervous that someone would buy it on the first showing. HA!). We put carpet in Charlie's room (his hardwood floors were horrible), painted our once red dining room to a boring taupe, striped and re-stained some trim, and other little odd bits here and there. I guess the next move is to drop the price.

2) New house is going Grrrrrrrreat! The started framing already! We were there the Friday of Memorial Day weekend, and the basement was framed and the floor joists were on!!!! That was almost 1 week ahead of when they were supposed to start all of that! Yipppeee! So, of course, we went back last Friday, and the whole main level was up and framed, the concrete for the garage was poured, and they had one lonely wall on the upper level up. It was quite a lovely sight.

3) My kiddies are good, grating on my nerves, but good. Charlie is pulling himself up a lot (mostly on the stairs; I wonder why he prefers them?), babbling like a fool and just generally fun (when he isn't whining about being hungry or filling his pants). I can't believe that he will be a year old next month. Nor how much our lives have changed! Jack is good as well. He is such a little person. You can carry on conversations with him, he knows so much and is really a good kid (except around naptime). I do wish he preferred me to his Granny, but I suppose the fact that I don't allow M&Ms into his body would naturally give the arrow to her. Oh well.

So that is about it from here. Plugging along and all that.

BAD Mommy

Oh man, Charlie turned 10 months old, and I failed to commemorate it. I am really failing at being a Mommy right now. I also failed to get 9 month pics of him taken. UGH.

Things are just really nuts around here. How long have I been saying that for? We failed to get the house on the market this past Monday. We have our realtor coming over THIS Monday to get it all going. TG we (probably) aren't having open houses. It would just be all of our neighbors, anyway. At any rate, we are madly trying to finish things up. It seems to be we finish one project and another pops up/is created/is remembered....The list goes on.

And I am still working. I mean, I like it, it is fine. I just miss that time. It feels so much more go, go, go right now, and I am really craving a little STOP.

Ok, enough complaining, I want to remember my lil Charlie, just as he is TODAY.

Charlie is a master crawler now, nothing stops him. He has no problem going far away, and also enjoys following me around and trying to crawl up my leg. Go figure. He is pulling himself up, but not to standing yet. Still the two bottom teeth, and I gotta say, they are so gorgeously sweet.

He is also starting to babble a lot. Last week, he crawled over to me saying "Mamamamama", and last night he crawled to Chad saying "Dadadadadada". Apparently I had neglected to mention the former to Chad, and he was all thinking he was the first one! HA! But, nonetheless, he was over the moon to hear those words out of Charlie.

He is playing a lot, too, although he isn't the greatest at playing by himself. Jack and he have a game, where Charlie "chases" Jack around the house. It is very cute, and Jack is so good with Charlie, and so patient. Charlie also enjoys holding things up to me and grunting. Especially the roll of masking tape. Kind of like "Hey Mom, see me holding this up? Cool, huh?".

He is really growing up. I can see the toddler future in him. It is kind of bittersweet, but I think more sweet than bitter. I am also thinking a third is not such a crazy idea anymore. Not that I am rushing out to try, but fall is still looking like a possibility. 'Cause one can never be too busy, right? HA!

I Need More TIME!

Things are reaching a fevered pitch around here. The month of May is pretty sucky, to be honest. We are (hopefully) putting the house on the market on Monday, but I think it will be more realistically Friday or something. We neglected our own mothers on Mother's Day, to get the house done, and spent half the day sorting out my missing wallet. Wallet never turned up, so now I am without a bank account, access to money, credit cards OR a driver's license for 7 - 10 business days. Like I needed this. House is still a bloody disaster, boxes and tools and projects to be finished everywhere. We really only have 1) the floor in the half bath 2) little bit of molding in the staircase 3) switch a couple rooms around and 4) cleaning left, but we have had that since Sunday, and here we are on Wednesday. Most of the problem has been that I worked Monday night, Chad had a job last night, and now I work tonight and tomorrow night. Friday is our 5 year anniversary, and I selfishly want to celebrate it, so we are going to a hotel and other things for the night. Saturday night we have to do make-up Mother's Day with Chad's family, and Sunday morning make-up Mother's Day with mine, and then I work again on Sunday night. Oh, and Monday night. So, do you see where this is going?!?!?!?!?! Ugh.

I am trying, really trying to do my part, but it is hard with an almost-10-month-old with separation anxiety. The kind of separation anxiety that doesn't allow me to paint the bathroom with him sitting and playing on the floor, 18" from me, but allows me to sit on my ass while he crawls around the backyard. Please figure that one out for me. I am at my wit's end here. I love the summer, and am excited for this summer. So many wonderful things are happening. We will be able to use the boat a lot; Charlie will be 1 in July; Chad and I are going on a happy little vacation to WA (and a big chunk of it is work related for Chad, so less dosh out of our pitiful coffers); seeing the house being built and all that excitingness; and 3 of our very dear friends are getting married (not all to each other, each to another). But really, I would I Dream of Jeannie it all away for it to be the beginning of October right now. I now, wishing my life away.

Oh, and here are some updates I have failed to blog about, because all I can do is obsess about what needs to be done/why am I not doing it/when will it get done/money/////////

• Charlie's heart murmur is nothing. Our appt with the pediatric cardiologist was supposed to last and hour and a half. After 3 minutes with him, he said "We don't need to go any further. This is completely harmless, may come and go until he is 8, but it is really nothing. He is so healthy, it is sick". Ok, I paraphrased a bit, but it was the gist.
• Work is going well. I am in a groove, and have some people I like. I worry less about getting fired everyday. Would still like to quit, just so I wasn't so stressed, but the money is so nice. Am actually thinking that I may stay on when we move. But haven't discussed that one with Chad yet.
• The (supposedly) dug the hole on Monday, and are (supposed to) pour the foundation today. I am hoping Chad and I will swing by on Saturday to check it out.

Think that is all. I must go, Charlie has been doing his whinge/cry for far too long now. I really should just accept that he had a 20 minute nap and forge ahead. I can't wait until nap time.

On the Move

Well, it seems my late bloomer is moving up in the ranks. On Thursday, when we saw the doc for his 9 month update, I expressed a wee bit of concern because Charlie was yet to crawl, and all of the email updates have moved past crawling, to pulling themselves up and other fun things. Now, I wasn't overly worried, because it is nice to not have a mobile baby. Conversely, the kiddo is frustrated, and he is so close, I would rather he just get on with it.

Friday we dropped them both off at my mom and dad's house, so that we could get some stuff done to the house. Charlie has taken a crawl or two, but he never seemed to realize that he was doing it. By Saturday afternoon, he was a pro. I just knew he would do this when I wasn't around! Plus, as an added bonus, he was pulling himself up! Little guy was a busy dude at Granny and Geido's!

So, all is well. Except for the heart thing. I am really ok with it. I know how common it is, blah blah blah, but there is a piece of me that can't help worrying about it. Like, Thursday afternoon he took the longest nap ever, and I thought he had died. Because of the heart murmur. Yes, I really am that dramatic.

Do You Hear What I Hear?

Charlie went in for his 9 month well baby visit today. I was thinking it would be all peaches and cream. He is gaining weight, hasn't been to the ER in over a month, getting teeth, just about to crawl and there would be no shots today. Boy, was I wrong.

It seems, our dearest problem child, has a heart murmur. Now, I know it is fairly common, and they usually heal thyself, and this seems to be the case here, but STILL. Couldn't Charlie do something low-stress for once? It is getting exhausting, bud. And if he even looks at drinking or smoking in high school, I will inform him that his troublesome days are long behind him.

Anyway, the heart murmur. Doc said that it is fairly common to hear it now, as opposed to earlier, and that most likely means it is closing itself up. Still need to see a pediatric cardiologist, just to make sure. Might even have to go a bunch of times, until it is gone. Really, I am not overly worried. Bump in the sidewalk, really. Just not overly happy about it, either.

So, let's tally Charlie's score up until now.

1. The conception. Doc had just told me, 2 weeks before, that it would probably take longer to get pregnant second time around, since the first time, it was fairly quick. He said that was just the way it goes. I miscalculated my cycle, told the ol' hubs on night that he was in the clear and we could forget all the precautions for ONE NIGHT ONLY, and, two days later, my temp went up. Hmmm, must be ovulating today, I thought (I was new to the temping groove). Oh well, what are the chances that ONE TIME WOULD GET ME PREGNANT. Should have listened in health class.
2. First sign of trouble was the very first u/s, done at 10 weeks. They couldn't see anything, which is odd, since I was supposed to be 8 weeks. So, they guessed that I was wrong about my dates (see #1), and had me come in two weeks later. Two weeks later, still barely able to see anything. By now, am kind of freaking. They sent me to the hospital, so that I could have the internal u/s, and all was well. Apparently, my uterus is flipped or some such nonsense, so everything is farther back and harder to see on u/s in the early days (ok, you could argue that this was MY problem, but it is Charlie related, so I still count it).
3. Then I had my 20 week u/s, and there was a red flag with regard to his kidneys. Probably nothing to worry about, they said, this is a common red flag, and it oftentimes wrong. Had to go for another u/s at 28 weeks, and all was fine.
4. He was born, and had jaundice. Yes, common again, but Jack hadn't had it, so I didn't know what to do. Also, my milk comes in late, so it got pretty high as a result. No lights, but we did have to take him to urgent care to get checked, and in the clinic again soon after to be double-checked.
5. At his 6 month appt, didn't gain enough weight, and had to go back 6 weeks later (still don't know what that was all about).
6. The ER trip last month.
7. On-going sleep issues.
8. Now this.

That is almost as many issues as months of his life. KNOCK IT OFF, KID..

Another Month Down

My Chucker is now 9 months old. In 3 months he will be one year. It is amazing to think about what life was like before him. What a cliche, but I guess there is a reason that everyone is saying it, huh?

Life with him is getting pretty good. Both of my boys seem to have settled comfortably around the 9 month mark. Sleeping well at night, check. Fairly predictable schedule during the day, check. Happy little dude, CHECK.

He still only has the one tooth, but with the amount of sleep and poop he has been producing, not to mention the size of his swollen gums, I think that tooth has a buddy joining him here soon. Charlie is a pretty good teether. With Jack, I remember we would have about a week of misery, and then all would be well, and then a week or two later, a tooth would emerge. With Charlie, there is some discomfort, a little Tylenol is needed some days, more napping, and then, a tooth! I thought I would be really sad to see the first tooth, but it is so cute, it is hard to be sad. I am lucky that my kids bloom a little late in this regard. When the teeth come, I am ready.

Still no crawling, but we are getting ever closer. He is doing the up on all 4s and scoots backwards. He just recently also mastered going from all 4s to sitting up. He isn't much of a stander, doesn't get that you have to hold on and has wobbly legs. In fact, his crib is still on the highest setting!

Eating is still going well. I might get him started on eating what we do, all of the time. He seems to have mastered Cheerios (actually, this protein cereal stuff my Mom convinced me to buy...) so I think he is ready. Plus, less work for me. I am starting to get kind of stagnant with his food choices. His meals are usually applesauce for breakfast (no rice cereal even, we have been out for awhile, and I burnt the batch I made yesterday), squash for lunch, and chicken and apples for dinner. I mixed it up yesterday, tho (had to, we were out of the chicken!) and made him a batch of peas and a batch of chicken and potatoes. So, for a few days at least, he has some food. Then, I guess we will just throw him to the wolves.

He is kind of vocal, but not really using word-like sounds. I think he may have used a ma ma, sound, but not often enough for me to remember. But he loves to give kisses, always grasps the tiny hairs on the back of my neck when I pick him up, loves to jump and rock back and forth, laughs easily and often, and generally adores his big brother. I am so in love with this kid, it hurts. I miss him when I go to work, and love the fact that I have to walk by him to get to my room (messed up old house!). He still smells like a baby, and has soft skin and nice, soft little poops and I just can't get enough (not of the poops, the kid!).

My Dr. Seuss Life

Where's Rufus?
Where did he go?
Where could he be?
Is he under this shoe? Nope.
Is he in Parker's hair? Nope.
Is he in the hat? Nope.
There he is!
There is Rufus!

Again!
More again!
More please!

And that is the running commentary of my days right now. My sister made up this game, "Where's Rufus" with Jack about a month ago, and it has just exploded in popularity. I know I should delight in the game, because Jack's eyes just light up when you play along. He totally gets into it, going from room to room, picking up objects and asking over and over and over again if Rufus is in/on/under it. And his vocabulary has grown so much, too, as evidenced by how many places we now have to look for Rufus. I know I should delight in all of this, but I really don't. I can barely grin and bear it through one game now. It is just so repetitive. Albeit, so is most of my life right now, but I just have a hard time with these toddler games. The reading the same bloody book over and over again (and always the wordy ones. It is like he is trying to torture me). Always wanting to go outside when the dogs do. Wanting to watch Sesame Street or Pooh. And now, "Where's Rufus". *sigh*. Someday this will all be over, and I will miss this game. Right?

You Know What Sucks?

When you were 3/4 of the way through a post about how frustrated and stressed out you are, and then you accidentally hit something, and *poof* it is gone. I love technology.

My Big O

I tend to get obsessed pretty easily, as my husband would readily tell you. I was obsessed to get engaged, to move abroad, to move back again, to have a baby, to buy a house...obsessed. Or focused, as I like to think of it.

I am very, very, very focused on the new house at the moment. I am not sure if it is because there is such a delayed gratification with it, or that there is so much to plan for, or what, but I can't stop thinking of it. Going through the options over and over and making sure that every possible need I could have in the next 30 years will be met (sha, riiiiiiight). I have been dreaming about it even! UGH!

I guess it is just the planner in me. I love to plan things out and I hate it when there is nothing to plan! So, while much of me wants to plan the hell out of this house, there is a piece of me holding back a bit, so that I am not bored come next Christmas. I am pretty much focusing on the main level, and leaving the bedrooms and office for later. The landscaping is gonna be a several year process, so that is good, too. I guess even obsession needs to be in moderation.

Guilt

This blogging thing is tough! Everytime I think of something that I want to write about, my first thought is "did I mention that already?". Ugh. I don't have a great memory on a good day (I blame residual pregnancy-brain) and I am too lazy to go back and read through every post. So, please just skim this if it all sounds familiar.

I have started to wean Charlie. I love it and I hate it. I remember this when I was weaning Jack, only the circumstances were different. He was 4 months old, and it was hard to nurse him. I am still not sure what reason, or combinations of reasons, made it hard (I frequently use he wasn't interested, low milk supply, tongue-tied, new mom-it is, and some other that I, surprise!, can't recall right now) but it was a tough decision for me. I remember things were getting bad the starting of May, 2003, and I would go back and forth on if I should wean him or not. There were days where I was crying, it was so hard, and I just said enough. And my husband would say sensitive things like "Are you sure it is ok for him to have formula?". Or he would discuss the problem with his brother, and brother would say "Wow, [his wife] breastfed [their son] for 9 months and never had a problem". And Chad would tell me what he said. So, in light of all of this support, I would re-think my decision and continue on. Or we would have a good nursing day, and I would think "I can do this". At the end of May, we went in for Jack's 4 month well baby visit, and I spoke to the doctor (now, anyone who knows me in real life would know that things had to be bad for me to actually speak to a professional about a problem). The doctor, who is pretty old school, and I still am not sure if I like that about him, said "Go ahead and stop. It isn't as important as it was the first couple of months, and he will thrive just as easily on formula". It was so good to hear, and I never nursed Jack again. (We had pretty much been weaning the whole month; I think he was only nursing at night by that point). I never looked back, and it was a great decision. But expensive!

So, this time around, I was determined to nurse longer. Mostly for the financial reasons. With Jack, it never felt like it was easier to just nurse him than make him a bottle and hold him while he ate it, etc. With Charlie, it did. I got comfortable with nursing. I didn't feel as tied down with Charlie as I did with Jack. Hell, I already had one kid to tote around, what was another? I read up on breastfeeding a lot before I had Charlie and I think that helped. And Charlie is just a different kid. He wouldn't sleep in his crib for ages. Always wanted to be held. Slept in our room until he was 5 months old! He is cuddly and sensitive and sweet, and almost polar opposite from outgoing, lively and independent Jack.

But he is getting hard to nurse. He is so easily distracted, as most babies are this age, but how do other people chugging along? And now with me working 3 nights a week, he gets a bottle those nights and has been sleeping GREAT. So, we decided to give him a bottle every night and it has been fabulous. He pretty much sleeps 12 hours (sometimes wakes once soon after he goes down, and sometimes once in the middle of the night). I wanted to just do this one supplement for a few weeks, and then add another. But it is hard to get him to nurse in the afternoons! And, now that he sleeps through, we kind of miss an early morning feed, so somedays I only nurse him once! That isn't good for my milk supply. And yet, if he gets totally weaned, I can get some time back! My mom has already expressed a desire to have him overnight, and it would be so wonderful to do that! To stop watching the clock and wondering when I should nurse him again so that I will be able to nurse AGAIN before I go to work! UGH, it is just driving me mad. And yet, I know that formula is an expense I would really like to keep down right now. We have so much money flying out the window at the moment, that I like to try and control that as much as possible.

Anyway, if you are still with me, I guess I just need to get things out. I am going to keep trying to nurse a few times a day (if for the weight loss benefit only!!!) and see how things go. Not stress about it. And if it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out. In 20 years, will I even remember this?

EEEEEEEEEEEKKKKK

Charlie has learned how to scream, and isn't afraid to use it. For everything. And, let me tell you, it is getting old. It is like the newborn cry; I don't know why he is screaming. Is he tired? Is he bored? Is he teething? Oh, wait...he is hungry! I suppose if I were better at keeping a schedule for the boys (more like watching theirs, they are schedule freaks!) it wouldn't be so puzzling. All the screaming almost makes me look forward to work. Almost, but not quite.

In other news, I have started weaning Charlie. More like he is weaning me. It is tough to nurse him in the afternoons, and near impossible at night, and now with me working, he takes a bottle 3 nights a week as it is. And sleeps pretty great those nights. So, we are supplementing that feeding. I am torn between wanting him to be all done so he can go to his grandparents' house for the night, and wanting to hold on and get some breastmilk in him and have to buy less formula for the next 2 months. So, not totally sure which was it will go. I suspect, like most things, I will just look to Charlie. See what he wants. And go from there.

End of the Road

Took my mom out to see "the house" today. Ok, the model, but pretty dang close to what our house will be like.

She loved it, as I was pretty sure she would. But now there is a problem; everyone has seen the house. Chad's parents, his brother (heck, they saw so much they are building their own!), my sister and my mom. Ok, my dad has yet to see it, but I am not sure if he cares. Maybe he does, and that would be nice.

Now that (almost) everyone has seen it, what reason do I have to go out there once a week???

They haven't started digging the hole, which means there really isn't anything to see of our own, except our little piece of land. Heck, we don't even have to have our options picked out until the end of April! Ugh!!! I know, I have lots to do in our current house, and I am better served staying around here and packing or cleaning or, preferably, both.

BUT I LOVE BEING IN THE HOUSE. I love love love love love it. I still can't believe we are building one, and being in the model makes me feel like it is all real. Do you think they would notice if I brought a suitcase over and started living there?

Oh, and let me say, it is so very wonderful to have my parents home.

We Are Family

I am not sure if I have mentioned this before, but Chad's brother kind of bugs me. It has gotten a lot better, but is still there. Some tidbits from our past:

• He really didn't like me when he first met me. Something about me taking his place in his own family. Yeah right, like that could happen.
• On the day of Chad's graduation from college, after the ceremony, we went out for dessert (my hubs loves dessert). We had just officially set our date for our wedding, and Ryan was recently married to his lady. Theirs was weird, though, because she is Mexican, so they had a sort of quickie-ish wedding, to get her into the country, and then were planning a big ceremony here when she got here. Anyway, he turned to me (at the dessert place, when all of his family was away from the table, so there were no witnesses) and said "You do know that [the date of our wedding] is the day Maya and I were planning to have our wedding." Yeah, we totally knew, that is why we picked our date. Not because the church was booked every other weekend until November. Nope. And we are SO MEAN like that. JEESH.

That is all that I can think of right now. Poor Ryan has a bit of foot-in-mouth disease, I find it hard to believe he is malicious with this all. And he has some annoying habits (which, thankfully, annoy my husband, too, so we kind of chuckle together), like he is a close talker, and he always likes to give his advice, and he is competitive. Part of the problem with those habits (except the close talker-ness) is that I have those as well. I think it is a first born thing. But I think part of the disharmony with Ryan and me is that we are a lot alike. And I realize this, most times, as I am bitching about whatever is driving me nuts. But like I said, it is getting better.

Where am I going with all of this? It is looking pretty good like they are going to move into our new neighborhood. MY TURF. Woah, back up. Yes, I was actually thinking that this would be a cool thing a few days ago. I dig Maya (even though she has the audacity to share my birthday) and would like my kids to be close to their cousins. That was until I learned that they were looking at the only house available bigger than ours. UGH! And it just felt deliberate. Ryan called us on Saturday night (as we were leaving to go out; another one of his issues, he has bad timing) and was asking us some questions. Apparently they had been looking at the same builder, but in a different town, and was wondering about price differences, etc. Chad kind of talked to him more about our area/development, and then we offered to go through things with them, if they wanted. That was all we heard.

Then, last night, Chad gets an email from him (another thing, he never calls, always emails! ugh) saying that they are seriously looking at our area and has even been out there twice to talk to the builder. WTF?!? UGH. I go all freaky and call my sis. We discuss pros and cons (Chad brought up some good ones, like if we hang with the neighbors, do we have to always invite them? And when will their parents be moving to the neighborhood now?) and she settles me down. The size thing is bugging me, but I seriously love our house plan the most, so am ok with it.

Then I called Ryan. I just had to know more! We talked for a long time (which is weird!) and it was nice. He said that Maya was really pushing for our area, because in her culture, they are so close (proximity wise especially) with family, and she thinks it would be great to be closer to us (we are about 15 minutes away right now, but with moving, it would be about 30). He also discussed some options they were considering, and I learned that they are probably not going for this "bonus room"!!!! YEAH!! And folks, Denise now takes the lead! Ahhhhh, bliss. When he said that, all the stress flew off of my shoulders. I know, I know, it is sick. And, heck, maybe it wasn't about competition for them. But I know me (which means I kind of know Ryan) and I feel like it is, at least a little bit.

At any rate, they would be a street or three over, which is kind of closer than I would like, but also annoying walking distance (might have to get to know the neighbors so we can cut through). And hey, it might not happen.

****EDITED TO ADD: they are NOT 3 streets over; they are one. And their address is one digit off from ours (granted, on a different street). How many pieces of mail of theirs do you think we are gonna get each day?****

My Funny Little 8 Month Old

Charlie is 8 months old today, and it really has flown by. He is such a sweet little guy, despite his chronic sleep problem. He is so smiley and so happy, it is hard to stay mad at him. And he never holds a grudge! One minute his is so pissed that he has to stay in his crib and take a nap, and then I walk in there, and he is all smiles, kicking and flailing around. So sweet. Part of the problem with such a happy baby is, you don't know when he is sick. We had to take him to the ER last week, because his little cold was taking over. But all in the ER, when the doc is talking about true influenza and pneumonia and x-rays and with a 102.5 temperature, little Chuck is kicking away and smiling and looking so happy. Thankfully he didn't have any of those things, but it was headed that way. Some steroids and antibiotics have brought him almost back to health. Lucky little dude.

He isn't crawling yet, but it can't be far off. He can pull himself so high up, he just needs to get his butt up! He doesn't seem to understand that the butt and legs are crucial in crawling. He scoots himself around in a circle, and will roll around a bit, but he is getting frustrated about not crawling. He isn't a big babbler, and I wonder if there is just too much action around here, but what can you do. He loves being in the middle of it all and is really enthralled with his big brother. He loves to watch him and has been known to bust out laughing at something Jack does. It is really cute. Charlie's laugh is great; all throaty and guttural. You would think he was a smoker, if only he had such control over his fingers.

No teeth yet, either. My little late bloomer! Not sure when they will make their appearance, but for now he is so cute with his gummy smile!

I guess one word sums him up (still) -- SWEET. My sweet boy Charlie; happy 8 months, baby.

The New Gig

As per usual, I worked myself into a bit of a frenzy over starting my new job last night. Oh sure, I had already been there for training, so that wasn't new. I had already met some people, but I didn't know if they would be there when I was (the beauty of setting your own schedule). But I was obsessing about the JOB itself. The calling. Actually, more the rude people I could be calling.

It wasn't bad. I actually kind of liked it. I am not sure that I liked the calling, but I liked making money again. I liked doing something for my family. I liked doing something that would make our new, wonderful house a reality. It felt good. I never felt that before with regard to working.

I made about 100 calls (I was trying to keep track, but would often forget) and had 7 COMPLETED SURVEYS!!! 7!!! They said that it would take awhile for us newbies to get up to speed, but I never thought that 7 in 5 hours would be expected!!! So I told my supervisor (she is very nice) and she said that was GOOD! GOOD!! I am not totally sure if she meant that is good for my first night, or in general, but hey, I will take it.

Many of the numbers were disconnected. Got lots of answering machines. And some people who said it wasn't a good time. I had great success in Georgia (5 completes in 3 hours) and not as much in California (2 completes in an hour and a half). But like I said, it was good. They don't know who I am. It is ok and it is for a great reason!

Life in the Crazy Lane

Things are so nuts right now, that I have totally given up any pretense of blogging about the boys. I am a stress ball. Granted, things are a LOT better now that we have signed the purchase agreement for the house. I feel like that is a go (although they did call on Sun [I had missed a page to sign] and I was convinced we were out) and even started packing. Just the annoying things that seem to cling to the house.

Unfortunately, the job is sucking up all of my stress right now. I am sure that once I start officially calling people, I will be ok. Maybe the time will even fly by. Maybe I will lose even more weight (I have lost 10 pounds-ish since joining the gym) since I won't be sitting on my ass and eating at night. It will be nice to have some extra money (before we move into the new house, anyway) around, even if I am trying to save it all for trinkets for the house. But I can't seem to get past the bad stuff. Calling people in their homes for 5 hours a night!!! Chad's family was quite teasing me about my telemarketing job (I guess TECHNICALLY, it is, in that it is MARKETING FROM THE PHONE, but there isn't any selling, so I stand tall) and I don't blame them. Also, the 5 hours thing is getting to me. Ugh. But I really don't want to work more than 3 days a week. 3 is plenty for now. I am hoping that the cool chick I met (but whose name I didn't catch) will be there. She was nice. I think I may buy myself a magazine for tomorrow night. Something to read on break. And maybe some ciggies so I can smoke myself to death before I start.

In other news, we went to the gym today, after a week off, and Jack was GREAT. No crying, he voluntarily walked into the room and was fine!!!!!!! I hope he keeps this up. They still had to get me out of the pool, cos Charlie wasn't happy. But hey, I am calling it a victory.

What is Wrong with ME?

Ok, so I just had a major meltdown over a cake. Granted, it was a semi-difficult cake that I have been making for 2 days for Girl's Night tonight, but still, it is a cake. I:

1. Screamed at Chad when he helped.
2. After I asked him to help.
3. I mean SCREAMED.
4. I did this all in front of the kids.
5. I banged a spatula on the sink and chipped off a piece of it.
6. I yelled at my family to leave, and they did; Chad was crying.
7. I kicked the dog, because she was in my way (not hard, more of a kicking shove, but STILL).
8. I broke down screaming/crying
9. Then I kind of fixed the cake.

The cake looks ugly. I am sure it tastes fine, but looks ugly. Or homemade, as the joke in my family goes. Ugh. I just hate this. I would think that I am pregnant, but I literally just finished my period and you have to have sex to create a baby.

We watched the Notebook last night, and I have been in a sort of funk since then. Chad and I had a discussion about more kids; I cried. I think we have agreed to a third, but it still wasn't a great discussion. Then I went up to bed, and cried about my kids. About how much I love them. About how I don't want to get old. About how I don't want to have to leave them. That kind of crap. Had to wake up early to finish the cake from hell. Also have a day from hell. Signing purchase agreement on house at 10, Dinner/reception thingy for Chad's cousin at 1, then girl's night at 5. Chad is pissed; I was out Mon, Wed, Thur and now tonight. Two of those were work, but apparently work only counts if you are the breadwinner in this house. *sigh*. I feel blue. I think it is stress. I hope it is stress. I hope it magically recedes when I sign my name on the dotted line in an hour.

Of House and Home

Ok, so I just wanted to get this all down to that I will never, ever, never, ever forget the hellish stress that has been these last 10 days. A good/bad hellish stress, mind you.

We went to the Parade of Homes on a whim on Saturday, February 12th. It was the first day and we got the schedule with our paper. I took a look, found a couple of areas that looked like they might be doable for us down the road, and off we went. We found some we liked, but were too expensive, others that might be options, and then we stepped into the one. I prefaced our arrival by saying (mostly to myself) "now remember, this house is valued at $427,000, but there are other homes from $310, so there are other options". Then we walked into the kitchen (from the mud room) and I turned to Chad and said "I want this so bad". I was a goner. The house is a nice open floor plan, which works great for the lifestyle that we lead. It has 3 bedrooms with a loft (for an office), as well as an egress window in the basement if we want to finish that with another room someday. The dining room has pillars which adds some character that I think lacks in some new homes. It was gorgeous, and it was roughly $100K out of our price range. So, we looked at the other floorplans and took some literature to peruse. In the car, I looked at the floorplan and realized that the base price was $327K!!! Now that was a helluva lot closer to our budget! Not comfortably in it, but butting right up to it anyway.

My sister was out of town and getting back on Sunday. I left her a message, and when she called me back, I asked her if she would be willing to run out there and tell us what she thought of this house (she is an interior designer, so I knew she could tell us how they fit another $100K into the house). We were getting worried that land wasn't included in the base price, and that would really take us out of the running. So Lin stepped into the kitchen and said "well, I can tell you right now that about $30K was put into the kitchen". I blew out a huge hunk of air that I hadn't realized I was holding. Lin liked the floorplan as well and we discussed some options. Chad and I had kind of figured that if we kept upgrades to a minimum, we could maybe swing this house. And I got a job. That would definitely help, and my job would probably cover the increase in our mortgage. Great, everything was ticking along!

We made an appointment to meet with the real estate agent on Wednesday, the 16th, to go over options and see how expensive our tastes really were. We opted out of the $15K bonus room and the $1K vaulted ceiling in the master suite. We were just pretending, so we really tried to not look at the pricing when she asked what we wanted. I wanted to upgrade the vanity top in the master bath, just for purely selfish reasons. Chad wanted to insulate the garage, since they sheetrock anyway and if you wanted to insulate later, it would be hard to do. We did no upgrade to the carpet itself, but to the pad. So, minimal things. Then we walked through the house again (third time in less than a week) and took a look around. And I realized that that vaulted ceiling was pretty cool in the master bedroom.

We went home and obsessed. Or I obsessed and Chad tried to get me to quit obsessing. We decided that we would wait until my job interview. If my interview was good, we would be able to put $500 down to hold our lot. We had already decided that we didn't want to wait for the next bit of lots to be openend. That would put us closer to Feb 2006 to a closing (we had ideally wanted to moved in Sept/Oct 2006) but would also mean moving in the winter. Selling our current house over the holidays. And that the prices would go up (they went up everytime they realized more lots). If we went with one of the lots currently available, we would be rushed in selling this house, but would also be getting equity before the foundation was poured.

On Friday the 18th, I got the job. Chad still wanted to slow down. "A week ago we were fine where we are and knew nothing about this!" he would say. And I totally agreed, but it was a week later and this was reality. We both liked the house. The location was great for Chad, as it was closer to his work and his aging grandparents. It kind of sucked for me, since I am so close to my family and will be about 30 min from my sister and almost an hour from my mom, but I was willing to give it a go. Anyway, I said to Chad "I went for the job to get the house. I got the job, now let's get the house".

So, Saturday afternoon, before Chad and I were going out on a date, we dropped off the $500. We then set up the signing of the purchase agreement for Friday (February 25th) at 4 pm.

Next step was finding out if we could get a mortgage. Ok, so we were pretty sure we could, but you never know. Chad talked to the guy, and we were pre-approved on just Chad's salary on Tues. We then set up to meet with him for Wed to discuss our options.

Yesterday at 2:45 we met with the guy, Scott. We have several options we are chewing on right now. The first is a 7 year ARM, the second is an interest-only mortgage, and the third would be the regular 30 year. I just put in a call to our financial planner about the interest only. Basically, we would just put that money that would normally go to the principal, into an investment for several years. I want to talk to Joel (f.p.) and see if he thinks that is a good idea, and how long he thinks we should do that for before refinancing/paying down our principal. If he doesn't think that is a great idea, we would probably go with the 7 year ARM. The other thing to consider would be to lock into an interest rate now. They have this extended thing you can do for new builds, where you lock in now, and if the price is lower in 60 days before closing or whatever, you can take that for no penalty. We just have to put 1% of the mortgage amount down, and then we get that back at closing (and would probably cover all of our closing costs). So that is the other thing we are considering right now.

Other than that, we sign the purchase agreement on Saturday (the real estate agent had to change it). We have decided on the bonus room (my mom offered to loan us the money for that, since it is nearly impossible to add later), the vaulted ceiling, and a green exterior. We need to know all of that on Sat (they won't let two of the same houses, nor of the same color, next to each other. Pretty cool, huh?) at the signing. And then from there, who knows. This is all moving SO fast, and I am still waiting for something to happen that doesn't make it all doable. I really want this, yet sometimes question if we aren't making a bad decision. I just don't know. It seems like such a big step, even for a planner like me. But I guess big purchases are, right?

Working Girl

Well, I started my new job last night. Let me just preface this by saying, this is no rocket science job, and that is OK. It is part of the reason why I applied for it. Something easy to get myself back into working, something not very stressful so that I am not dreading going (although stress doesn't mean that won't happen), just something to make some money now. I am also keeping my eye open for something that pays better and will be closer to the new house. But for now, this will work just fine.

Now, when I had the interview (ha, if you could call it that; they had me wait 30 min, and the interview lasted 15, most of which was questions I asked!!!), I kind of got what this would be. It was 4:30, so most of the real office people (instead of us night phone people) were there. One guy, who I am wondering thinking might be one of the founders, or is at least up there (ok, also isn't saying much, since it is maybe an office of 30, but STILL) was wearing a kind of ratty sweatshirt and kind of ratty jeans. Hmm, kind of taking casual Friday seriously, hey? The interviewer was younger than I am (sadly, I am sure that is getting more and more common) but yet never offered me a drink or to even take my COAT OFF. They offered me the job on the spot and then told me that training would be Wednesday and Thursday of this week. Then she said something like "If that doesn't work for you or if you change your mind about this job, just let me know". OKKKKK, am guessing oftentimes that happens then.

So, over the weekend, as we were trying to figure stuff out about the house and talking to people, and telling them about my employment, Chad would say "she is way over-qualified". I kind of laughed at that statement, because who really knows? Sure, a panda could do interviews over the phone with a script, but all I have been doing for 2 years is wiping bums and playing paddy-cake. How can I be qualified for anything anymore?

Wednesday rolls around and I show up for the training. The room was filled! 15 people there were; I felt slightly less special. The first hour and a half of the training was reading from the manual. Shoot me now, please. Then a break (I wish I had brought a book), then we read over the current project they are doing. Oh, and we filled out our schedule for the rest of February and March. How many people do you think asked what the hours were on Saturday? I lost track after 5. Several of them were minutes right after the other. There were slightly less questions about Sundays (the only day we are required to work on the weekend, by the way), but there were still repeats. One guy didn't have 2 forms of ID (he was going to call his mom to see if she had his birth certificate. He looked at least 45, by the way). There was even one guy who looked about 65! And dudes outnumbered the women (not something that I would think I would find in a phone job). When we read through the script, many people had problems -- skipping words or adding words in or mispronouncing words. Granted, it could have been nerves, since we all didn't know each other, and after 3 hours and a 15 minute break we were supposed to perform. And at the end, one of the 2 ladies in charge said to me "I am not sure how long you will have to be here tomorrow night, since we ran through everything but the [software program]" which is fine by me.

All in all, this job will be fine. The people, both of the supervisors and the new hires, seemed really nice, and I think they would be good to work with. I am sorry if I act like I am above all of this, because I don't really feel that way. I guess it wasn't exactly what I was expecting, but why does that even matter? I do now think I am over-qualified for the job, but that isn't here nor there. I took it for the hours and the flexibility; for my family and for this house. We are on probation for 200 hours, and I swear, though, if I am fired and no one else is, I will wonder.

The State of this State

1. Got the job.

2. Getting the house.

3. Shitting my pants.

Things are Looking Up

Jack is finally getting back to normal. I took him into the doctor yesterday, just because he was SO miserable and I was starting to think that it was strep and not his teeth. Well, my mom put the idea into my head, but who is counting. Anyway, hauled ourselves in only to be told that nope, all looks GREAT. Not good or ok or anything, but great. Just great. And the doctor even had the nerve to say "So I really have no idea what could be causing his fussiness. It could be a headache, his teeth or just the age". ARRRRGGGHHHH. He said that he didn't take a good look at his teeth, and it isn't as if Jack was letting him take his sweet time with the exam, so I am no closer to knowing why my little man is so totally miserable. For now, I am going with the 2 year molar excuse. Oh, and the doc said to feel free to medicate. Great.

Anyway, things really do seem better today. We made it to the gym with a little less crying (I would maybe be saying none if Jack hadn't fallen on his way inside and gotten all worked up) and I wasn't called away from my activities, so I call that progress. Jack even resorted back to "please" at lunch and skipped on the way into the house! I was starting to forget he could be fun to be around.

And if all that wasn't good enough, we might meet with the builder tonight. I have been staying up late at night, just laying there and thinking about things with this new house potential. Figuring out what we would need, and do and if it is all doable. I feel like it is and this is right, but I am waiting for the other shoe to drop, I guess. It is dangerously close to me wanting this too much, so I am trying to reign myself in. But I have a job interview on Friday, so I am at least working (ha ha) towards making this happen!

Also

I forgot the biggest news! I AM NOT PREGNANT!!!! I haven't had my period since Thanksgiving, and have been obsessing, but I AM NOT! Chad finally got me to take a test. WHEW. Feel good about that one. I am pretty sure that the sporadic-ness is due to my weight and nursing, not sure both or more one or the other or just one, but I have decided I will wait a few months, get the weight thing together, and get myself checked out if it still is absent.

Oh, and I have already lost 4 inches (total). Actually, that was last week, but it was the first week I had kept track! It sure does feel good.

Tidbits

In honor of Charlie turning 7 months old yesterday, (and me forgetting to document it with a picture), here is a little post about what has been going on around here lately.

Jack is officially a preschooler now. Wow, it is hard to believe. Especially since he won't be able to start preschool for a year and a half, but hey, it is just a label. And I think he is getting his 2 year molars in. And holy moly, are they a bitch. At least I hope that is what they are; I shudder to think what else the poor guy could be going through. It has been hard for me to get to the gym, because he is such a bear and has been taking his nap in the morning. I think he could even use 2 naps a day, but we end up running around in the afternoons and I haven't gotten around to it. We had to cancel his pictures on Saturday because he was such a grump and took an early nap. Hopefully he will be better by this Saturday, when I rescheduled them for.

As we speak, Jack is playing next to me, with the art box I gathered for him for his birthday. And I am all stressing and trying to control what he plays with, even though it is his toy. I guess it just took me a lot of planning and searching to find these things, and I don't want it wrecked like his Elmo book (he got a great lift-the-flap Elmo book for his birthday, and one page was ripped to shreds by the next day). I want him to explore this box, but treat it with respect. Wow, even as I write that, I realize how impossible that would be.

Anyway, life here is busy! The gym (when I manage to go) eats about half of the day (although I only swim for a half an hour, the getting packed up/jackets on/into the car/drive to the gym/get out of the car/coats off/cajole Jack to stop crying and get into the nursery/sign kids in/try and get Jack to stop crying/finally bolt out of nursery hearing Jack screaming still/change into my suit/SWIM/shower, oh bliss/get dressed/pick up Charlie and Jack who seems to not notice my arrival/put coats on/get into car/drive home/into house/coats off part is really what takes all of the time...whew, maybe I don't need the swim part, the pre- and post- stuff seems to wear me out as it is!) and then naptime and then it is 3 or 4! So I feel like time has been flying by and I haven't really been able to keep up like I should. We get together with Chad's cousin's wife and their son about once a month (try to anyway) and she emailed me before we went to CA and I STILL haven't gotten back to her!! Better try to do that today. We have checks from Christmas that need to be deposited and shifted into the proper accounts (doing that today). Charlie's pictures need to be doled out and Jack's birthday thank yous need to be finished (TODAY PLEASE!!!). UGh. I just need a housecleaning or chores or finish up my shit day.

And so what did we do this weekend? Toured the Parade of Homes and cooked up ways we could go deeper into debt. No, it was good. We have been searching for our next place to live for awhile now, and I think we found it. We at least found 4 or 5 options that we want to check out. The bad part is, most of it is far away from my parents, and I think my Mom will freak. That is why I am going to wait. I am going to try and wait to tell most everyone, to be honest. Just see how it goes and all that. Our favorite option is to build a new house, with a closing in about a year and a half. That gives us time to get our finances in order (I hope) and finish up all of our special projects on this house. I need to get the courage to email this builder lady to talk about pricing and options and whatnot. Some hard numbers so we can see really what we are dealing with here. And I need to probably get a job. *shudder*. Part-time and evenings or weekends only. There are some good prospects in the paper that I will try to check out today. Man, my list for the day is really getting long.

As for Charlie, he is a changed baby. All of a sudden, he has become inquisitive and energetic! He twists around on the changing table constantly. He loves his exersaucer and actively plays on it. If you put him on the ground, he rolls around and tries to get at things! I think my quiet little man is now my excited baby! He is also trying to crawl. He is kind of a long way off from it, but still, he wasn't trying to do that 10 days ago. He is really a fun baby, and the sleeping problems he was having 2 or so weeks ago seem to have sorted themself out (THANK GOD). Now I really think he will be the baby that is into EVERYTHING. Oh well, it was bound to happen.

Where Has it Gone?

Jack turned 2 on Saturday. In some ways, it seems like he has been here so much longer than that, but yet it has flown by. I know that this is a common feeling among parents, and people are always telling new parents that, yet I can't help but be shocked by it still. I look at my little man today and can barely recall the infant he was 2 years ago. I look at videos and photos from then and I struggle to remember the time. Not to mention what it was like to have just one child!

We spent Saturday together as a famiy, which is exactly how I wanted it. There will be so many oppurtunities in the future for parties "on the day", that I wanted it to be just us at least this one time. His party with the family and others is this Saturday. We went to the aquarium at the Mall of America and had such a nice time. Jack loved pointing out the fish and the turtles and seemed quite in awe of it all. To be honest, Chad and I were, too. It is a fabulous aqaurium, and I am thinking that next year we will get a family pass. It is so close by, and it would be nice to go in the winter during the day if we are feeling restless (and we have to pay for kids at 3 years old). We had lunch at the mall, too, and then we went back home. The original plan was to head to the rides in the mall, but Jack isn't very fond of them yet, and Chad and I were awful tired. Jack went down for a nice nap, and we just did some stuff around the house. We had a simple dinner and a Jell-o cake I made (it looked horrible but Jack liked it; he yelled "CAKE" for two days after it!) and then it was bedtime! Chad actually went back to the aqarium, since he said he was too busy with Jack to appreciate it, and I sat down to watch Jack's video. I watched his birth (ok, you don't actually see it, Chad placed the camera perfectly) and the hour or so afterwards is on there. At first I wanted to cut it shorter, but I like listening to it all and hearing what we were all saying. I cried some, it is just such a huge moment in my life, and I realized that there is no way I am done having kids. One more, that is all I ask. Chad got home as I hit about the middle of the tape, and we watched the rest together. It was a very nice evening and it went just the way I wanted it to. I am hoping that next year Jack will watch the video with me, with the new additions from this year on it. And hopefully for a few more years after that, until he is a sullen teenager who won't even sit next to me. But at least I will be getting a full night's rest (unless he is out, driving around).

2 years down, and hopefully decades and decades and decades to go.

Making Changes

Well, I am trying to make some changes around here.

1. Using less processed foods. Why do I need them; I am a fairly accomplished cook. Yes, my husband likes processed foods (for the taste, not convenience, since he doesn't cook) but it isn't good for him. The man has allergies, asthma and high blood pressure (from all his meds for the first two) and he needs to get his diet in order. What else is a wife to do? Tough love, baby. Anyway, it is amazing how many aisles of the grocery store you can avoid if you don't use processed foods!
2. Eating more in line with the FDA's food pyramid. I know, it feels a little like 6th grade. But I just feel like there is so much out there that I am missing, especially since the vegetables we tend to eat are potatoes, corn, peas and green beans! I want my kids to have a wide range of vegetables, to be comfortable with them and to carry that into adulthood. Plus, Chad and I also need them. I don't want to be stooped over and have rickets at 37! So I spent half of the morning (how did I even find the time?) researching it all and putting it into an Excel friendly document for me. I love to organize; hate to follow through.
3. Trying to control my overwhelming desire for chocolate. I am one of those women who will eat an entire pan of brownies in 5 minutes if given the chance (almost did last night). I am also very overweight right now, mostly to inactivity and to so many babies, so little time. And have you ever heard someone on those morning news programs suggest buying a fun size bag of candy bars, so you just eat that little bar to fulfill your craving? Yeah, entire bag here please. So, I bought one of those bags, and made a little promise to myself. You can eat them, you can eat the entire bag if you want to, but you can only have one an hour. I know, still can be lots of chocolate, but it works for me right now. I can fulfill that horrible craving and there are even some hours where I forget!! Imagine that.
4. I joined the Y. Yes, the YMCA. I love it. Most of why I love it is it is not brand-spanking new. Not shiny, not fancy, just normal. I love that. And it is filled with old people! What do I care about sporting a swimsuit when there are so many wrinkly people around. It is seriously great. My sister joined with me, so that we can make each other go. So far all I have done is swim, but I like that. It is kicking my ass and all I can handle is 20 minutes, but I like it.

I am not calling these resolutions. It is too late and I already made some. These are lifestyle changes and I really, really hope it sticks.

Pondering...

I read this on yet another one of my many blog-haunts, and it is just SO interesting, I had to put it here to ponder myself.

From Random Acts of Journaling You are given a gift of 1 million dollars (kindly adjust for currency in your location). There are some restrictions on how you can spend some of the money, as follows:

$100,000 must be donated to charity. What charities will you support? Something to do with children. Childhood diseases of some sort, not really sure which one.

$100,000 must be given to one person that you know. To whom do you give it? What would you expect him/her to do with it? Would you put any restrictions on its use? Would it make a difference if you could make the donation anonymously? I think that I would give it to Chad's parents, mainly his dad, and for him to use in his business. Not sure if that is totally legal, but hey, this isn't real anyway! Yes, would restrict it to actual business money, and with the stipulation that Chad's mom can cut down her hours or stop working all together. Not sure if I would make it anonymous or not...probably not.

$100,000 must be given to someone who has recently been in the news. Who gets it? Why? That man who lost his wife and 3 kids in the mudslide in Las Conchita. Although he kinds of bugs me, that must be a lot to bear, and he didn't seem like he had a lot.

$100,000 must be spent on a public beautification project. You can build a park, commission artwork, etc. What do you do, and where do you do it? Donate it to the Como Zoo to renovate its giraffe area....they need some room. I know it isn't much for them, but it is something.

$100,000 must be spent on a memorial to someone/something that you have loved and lost. What form does the memorial take? Who is it for? My aunt died soon after Jack was born, and she was a doctor and she went to the U of MN for her degree, so I think I would do something with their Ph.d. program there. Maybe buy something they need and dedicate it to her, or if they are building something, donate the money and ask for a plaque or something.

$50,000 must be spent studying something you have not formally studied. What will you study? Art. Watercolor painting, to be specific. There was this show on in England called Watercolour Challenge and I loved it and have since aspired to be able to do paint with watercolors.

$50,000 must be spent establishing a scholarship. What's it for and who will you name it for? I would name it for my friend from high school, Aaron, who died 2 weeks after Jack was born. It would be for swimmers who are also ok students, but no stellar kids. Just ordinary nice guys like he was.

$50,000 must be given away in a contest. What kind of contest do you hold? Hold a contest for kids at my old elementary school; whoever could read the most books in a week wins the money. Figure younger kids would be less likely to cheat.

$200,000 must be spent doing as many things as you can on your "lifetime to do list." Always wanted to see Alaska? Take a boat trip on the Rhine? What things would you do first? Go to Tahiti and stay in a glass bottom hutt. Buy/put a down payment on my dream house.

That leaves you with $150,000 of mad money. If the rules say you can't spend that money on things that might be termed "practical," what do you buy on your spending spree? Traveling around Europe. Clothes. Shoes. Gorgeous handbags. Jewlery.